Jeremy, The Jewfro Worker
by Shadow's Bodyguard
Summary: You know Mikey, and Eugene, and Phone Guy, and Fritzie. They're all kind of stupid and a little ditzy. But do you recall, the coolest worker of all? A Holiday sandwich the entire family can chow down on. But Not Really. Happy Holidays!


**Tis' the season to be jolly! Enjoy! Plus, it would also help if you imagine Morgan Freeman narrating. **

It was Christmas Eve for Jeremy and his co-workers, and everyone at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Place was in a JOLLY MOOD! Well, _almost _everyone.

"Where's my pizza, SHITFACE?!" An angry customer shouted at Jeremy, throwing a chair that was on fire at him.

"EEK!" Jeremy squeaked, ducking in the nick of time. He had just been moved to day shift, and so far, it was a living hell for him.

He was surrounded by impatient and rude customers who cussed him out every chance that they got, he was making a lesser pay than he was when he was on night shift, and to make matters worse, he had to man the register AND cook the food.

"Uh, um, can you…hold on for juuuuuuust a minute? Heh." He chuckled nervously, dashing into the back where the kitchen was.

He quickly threw on his cook's hat and apron and began to look for ingredients to make pizza.

"_Um…Ok, ok, flour! And, uh, Tomato sauce!" _Jeremy thought to himself, rushing to the cupboard.

Unfortunately, it was empty, due to his boss spending the company's money on power to keep the fan in the office running.

"Ohhhh, no. Nononononono. I am so screwed." He said, backing up against the wall, clutching on to his curly jewfro.

Meanwhile, Mike, Fritz, and Mr. Eugene were in the Parts/Service room, playing Uno for money, which wasn't the manliest thing in the world to do. But then again, they're idiots, so yeah.

"Boom! Two sixes. A green and a blue." Mike said, putting them down in the stack.

"I see your two sixes, Schmidt. And I raise a Wild draw four card." Fritz smirked.

"Too bad that's not for me. Draw eights cards, Eugene." Mike snickered, placing down a Wild draw four card on the stack.

"If I lose this game, I'm firing both of you. I'm so serious." Mr. Eugene said, causing grumbles and groans to come from Mike and Fritz.

Just then, Jeremy burst through the door, with his clothes tattered and face bruised. And the Jewfro? It still looked fabulous, don't worry.

"Jeremy! Heeeeey!" Mike greeted cheerfully.

"DON'T YOU 'JEREMY HEY' ME! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS IN HERE PLAYING UNO WHILE I'M STUCK OUT THERE WITH THOSE-…THOSE SAVAGES!" Jeremy yelled.

All three of them were silent for a moment, until Eugene spoke up.

"Oh, come on, Germ. The animatronics aren't _that _bad. They might try and chew on you a little and it might hurt like hell, but you'll respawn." Mr. Eugene said, waving him off.

"I wasn't talking about the animatronics! I'm talking about the customers! In case you didn't know, I have to man the register AND cook the damn food! IT'S. NOT. EASY." Jeremy said through gritted teeth.

They all looked at him puzzled.

"Well, why aren't you out there cooking the food now?" Eugene asked him.

"Because, instead of actually buying pizza dough and tomato sauce and other necessities needed for making pizza, you would rather spend money to have a FAN running. In the WINTER."

"Saaaay, Jeremy DOES have a point…" Mike started.

"See?! Even Mike thinks it's stupid that-"

"I mean, what's the purpose of the fan? I just don't get it." Mike asked, scratching his head.

"Well, of course we need the fan! You guys are NOT about to have your guts, blood, gore and feces scenting up the room when the animatronics kill you. Plus, it's cheaper than bleaching the floor and all that."

Everyone looked as though they were going to hurl.

"That is_ the _nastiest shit I have ever heard come out of your mouth. EVER. I'm out." Balloon Boy said in disgust, crawling from under the table and leaving the room.

"I HOPE THAT'LL TEACH YOUR ASS A LESSON ABOUT EAVESDROPPING! God, I hate that little prick." Mike grouched, shaking his fist.

"Well, Jeremy? Anything else you'd like to get off of your chest? Because if not, you can go back to working and Mike, Fritz, and I can go back to our game." Eugene said, shrugging.

A single teardrop fell from Jeremy's eye.

"You know, when I get my credits for college and leave this place forever, you guys are gonna wish you'd paid me a little bit more respect!" He said, running out of the room.

The three watched him as he ran out, leaving a trail of tears behind. They actually felt kind of bad…for a second. Then it was back to their game.

"Right so, where were we?" Mike asked, picking up his deck of cards.

"Eugene was drawing 8 cards. Then he threatened to fire us for like, the 54th time." Fritz said.

"Oh yeah. So, it's my turn again. Draw 4, Fritz."

Jeremy sat in the office crying while being patted sympathetically by Chica, Toy Chica, and Toy Bonnie.

"You don't need them, hun. They're just a bunch of dickwads." Toy Chica assured him.

"Yeah! A bunch of dicks, especially Mike!" Chica added, taking out a heart locket with Mike's face in it. "WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?!" She screeched, swallowing the locket.

The others looked away from her awkwardly, and began to comfort Jeremy again.

"Anyways Jeremy, the point we're trying to make is that you don't need those guys and their dicky ways. You can spend Christmas Eve right here with us!" Toy Bonnie said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"We promise not to kill you!…for tonight, anyway. We still have to follow the status Quo, y'know?"

Jeremy sighed and got up as music started to play softly in the background.

"_It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas_

_My friends won't let me join in any games…_

_And I can't sing Christmas songs_

_Or decorate a Christmas tree…_

_Or leave Christmas cookies out for Foxy_

'_Cause there's something wrong with me…_

_My people don't celebrate it, so they don't believe…_

_I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew…on Christmas Eve._

The animatronics started to sob uncontrollably.

"Oh, Jeremy! We didn't know!" Chica cried.

"Oh, it's fine, really. Most people don't know that I'm a Jew until I tell them."

"Not that! I'm saying we didn't know how much your life sucked ass! Come with us!" Toy Chica said.

"I don't think that's necessary-" Was all Jeremy could get out before the Chica stuffed him in a potato sack.

**A few hours later…**

"Ok Chica, you can let him go now." Toy Bonnie instructed.

Jeremy fell out of the bag and onto the floor with a THUD.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" He exclaimed, but was quickly shushed by all three animatronics.

"Why do I have to-" He started again, but was stunned by the sight he was seeing in front of him.

There was a gigantic Christmas tree made entirely out of the corpses of the customers that attacked Jeremy earlier, complete with a music box that played silent night in a very creepy tune.

"SURPRISE!" All of the animatronics said together at once. Jeremy kept his shocked expression on his face.

"Oh, no! Nononononononono and NO! Bad animatronics! Clean this up!" Jeremy scolded.

"Dude, seriously? This took us HOURS to make!" Mangle exclaimed.

"Well, sorry, but I told you I DON'T celebrate Christmas!"

"But Jeremy…"

"Butts are for pooping! I've told you before and I'm gonna tell you again! I'm Jewish and I'm proud! That's right! I'll say once more! I'M JEWISH AND I'M PROUD! You know, I might not get the most respect, or I might not get invited to play cards with my other co-workers, and I may not be able to celebrate Christmas, but at least I have a kick-ass Jewfro that makes me look adorable! That's all that matters! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some things to say to a certain group of co-workers." Jeremy said, walking away with a huff.

The animatronics looked at each other and then at the "Tree".

"Well, no need to let this go to waste! Dig in, everyone!" Freddy said, as he ripped a piece off from the tree and began eating it.

The rest of the animatronics began to dig in, all except Foxy, who was gluten free.

"Come on, Foxy! It's Christmas Eve! Loosen up a bit." Bonnie told him.

"How about you SHUT YOUR FACE?!" Foxy snarled at him, crossing his arms.

"I would. IF I HAD ONE!" Bonnie joked, making Foxy roll his eyes and the other animatronics burst into fits of laughter.

Jeremy came into the Parts/Service room where Mike and co. were still playing their never-ending game of Uno.

By now, a total of $500,000 was on the table, and Mr. Eugene wasn't leaving without it.

"Draw 4, Fritz." Mike said, placing the card on the table.

"Draw 8, Eugene." Fritz yawned, putting the card down.

Draw 12, Mike." Eugene laughed, placing the wild card down.

"Dammit!" Mike yelled, collecting the cards.

"Only one more card to lose, boys. Then I'll have half a million dollars for the Holidays! HAHAHAHA!" Eugene cackled again.

"Ahem."

Everyone turned around to see a timid Jeremy standing by the doorway.

"Oh, hey Germ! How's the work comin' along?" Mike asked him.

"Actually, I have some words to say to all of you."

**Few minutes later…**

"…And that's exactly why my Jewfro is awesome! Anyone that says otherwise is a douche!" Jeremy concluded

The others were silent and didn't know how to react.

"Uh, ok? If you wanted to take the day off and play cards with us, we weren't discriminating against you just because you're Jewish.  
>We thought you liked working and stuff like that, so we decided to leave you be. We weren't trying to be dicks." Mike explained to him.<p>

"But I thought you said the reason we didn't invite him to hang out with us was because you thought that he was one of those silent serial kill- OW!" Fritz said as he got kicked by Mike.

"You thought I was a serial killer? That's funny." Jeremy chuckled.

"I'm not joking." Mike said seriously.

"Oh."

"Well, it's only 9:30! The night is still young! Wanna join us, kid?" Eugene asked, pointing to a fourth chair at the table.

Jeremy smiled, and did what any sane person would do in that situation. He broke out into song.

"Ohhhhhhhh…." He started.

"The hell is he doing?" Eugene asked.

"Singing. It's what happens at the end of every crappy Hallmark Christmas movie." Mike told him.

"So, wait, this entire story was a parody of crappy Hallmark Christmas movies?" Fritz asked.

"Probably."

"I thought it was a parody of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer..."

"ARE YOU RAT BASTARDS GONNA SHUT UP AND LET ME SING?!" Jeremy shouted, making the three jump.

"_You know Mikey and Eugene and Phone Guy and Fritzie_

_They're all kind of stupid and a little ditzy_

_But do you recall,_

_The coolest worker of all? _

_Ohhhhhhh, Jeremy the Jewfro worker,_

_Had a very awesome Jewfro,_

_And if you ever saw it,_

_You could even see it grow!_

_All of the other workers,_

_Used to laugh and call him names,_

_They never let poor Jeremy,_

_Join in any Uno games!_

"That is not true! You never asked to join!" Eugene protested.

"Shh! I wanna see where this song is headed!" Fritz shushed him.

"_Then one foggy Christmas Eve,_

_Foxy came to say…"_

"Jeremy, with your hair so cool, won't you help me roast these fools?" Foxy asked him, wearing rapper clothes.

"Nah, you can go ahead. I'm too nice for that."

"Fine. Expect anal rape tonight." He muttered, walking out of the room.

"_Then all the workers loved him,_

_At they shouted out with glee,_

_Jeremy the Jewfro worker,_

_You really are cooler than me!"_

"YOU REALLY ARE COOLER…THAN MEEEEEEE!" Jeremy sang.

Everyone was silent, except for Fritz, who was clapping.

"…Right. So, ready to play some cards now?" Mike asked Jeremy.

"Fuck your cards, we're gonna play dreidel." Jeremy said, taking out a small dreidel from his pockets.

_And so, Jeremy and co. played dreidel until it was time for their shift to start, much to Mike and Eugene's displeasure. But who gives a damn? It's Christmas! Celebrate it however you want! Just be awesome while you do it. Ahem. And a Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night._

**Happy Holidays everyone! I hope your days are filled with dreidels and Jewfros! The song that Jeremy sung to Toy Chica, Chica, and Toy Bonnie belongs to South Park. I just added a few words to change it up. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**


End file.
